I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
