i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
