I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
