We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
