FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
