I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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