that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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