Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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