It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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