thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
