I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's blow job season.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
