Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am one with the molecules
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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