"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
