My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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