Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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