I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
