Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
