I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
