You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Randomize
