then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
