i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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