Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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