you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His nipple licking is glorious
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