Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
