so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
