We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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