It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
