yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
