the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
