We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The best revenge is premature balding
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
