how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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