Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
