Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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