I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
