i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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