i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
