I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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