I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
