I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
