booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize