I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
