I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
