She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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