We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
