I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
