Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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