end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
