I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
