i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
