how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
