And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Someone came in the potted fern
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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