Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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