her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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