Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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