hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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