whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
