Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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