the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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