yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
