Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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