absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
