Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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