I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
