I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
