Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
