Michael Bay diarrhea
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
